Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
