its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
