worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize