Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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