I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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