I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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