I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
