dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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