i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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