I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
