I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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