"it" just moved
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
