I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
