Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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