I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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