Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
