I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
