i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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