Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
