Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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