You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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