it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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