WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
