return my video game
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're a waste of cheezeits
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
