I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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