Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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