I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
