I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
