i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
