You're so nebulous sometimes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
40s are totally the cure
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
