Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize