if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
