The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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