i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
