Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
