the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
