The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
