It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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