He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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