idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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