Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize