I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
