i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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