I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
