Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize