Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize