3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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