my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
