toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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