so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
