I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
