What did we do last night that was yellow?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize