I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
