Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
