So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize