how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
