Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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