TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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