Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
