why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
