I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
