Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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