oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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