you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
