I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
