I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
