my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
