i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
