There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize