does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
