my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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