im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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