It's Friday. Sex?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
