Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
