guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
