remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
