At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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