We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
