dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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