you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
