Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
