I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
