hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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