this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
