dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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