oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
