Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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