Im at strip club and am horny
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
