Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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