OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
