you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
do nipples grow back?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
