i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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