Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
