Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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