this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
