FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
