saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
