I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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