He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
