Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
